Thursday, April 21, 2011

Blooming again

So on August 19, 2009 I posted the following note of Facebook:
The sermon in chapel hit a nerve with me today. I have been in the midst of an inner storm involving many things including people, my self esteem, and missing home. I felt like God wasn’t providing me with anything to grab on to and the rope I was hanging on to was my own strength when in reality it’s God holding the rope and He’s waiting for me to stop squirming long enough to pull me up. As most of us know it’s hard to give up all control to God in hard situations because we wonder if He’s really going to take care of it. We stand there like the Israelites and think about how much easier life was when everything was just a little better. Egypt wasn’t that bad. We had only a little food. The beatings weren’t that painful compared to the exhaustion of wandering in a desert with as much food as we have hope. I think of that with me and my struggle first coming to BCF. Life in DeLand wasn’t that bad. I could grow there. Life there isn’t bad compared to this pain of homesickness and loneliness of being here at BCF. Then like God told the Israelites, He tells me “Oh but the life I have for you in Graceville isn’t that bad either. In fact it’s better. Where DeLand could only grow you so much Graceville can grow you beyond what DeLand could merely hold. You are looking for a way out of your despair. Look to me for I am The Way.” I am not completely fixed because like all Christians I am a constant work in progress and I won’t be finished until the day God takes me from this planet. But it’s nice to see the work of the Potter’s hand.

I look back on this a year and half later and I find that I am in same spot that the 18year old Leah was in but with a few changes. At this time, I had not met Nathan yet and I wouldn't meet him for another week or so. Now I'm marrying a man that was completely unknown to me at the time I wrote this and we are moving to NC! I knew I wanted to go to SEBTS but just not this soon and it was so supposed to be for my Masters, not my husband's! God has allowed me the opportunity to grow in DeLand for a season and it's been amazing. I never knew I would learn so much about myself just by working at Taco Bell! Now, my season is almost up and I will be on to the next one in NC. I know I will face trials and a lot of homesickness. Poor Nathan will have to deal with nights of me just crying because I miss home even though, honestly, I will already be home. By that I mean my parent's safe ADT secure nest will no longer be where I call home. Home will be in North Carolina in a small townhouse with Nathan. Once again God will be giving me a chance to blossom and strive in a new state with new challenges and excitement. Tonight, it really hit me that this is happening. So I cried for a good hour, wallowing in my bitter sweetness of the fact that this is happening. My room is in the mess of packing, May will bring two wedding showers and I will begin really trying to get things in together because 4 days into June  I will become a Mrs. Well it is getting late and I'm getting sleepy. I'm nervous but excited to get things going and to move on into the life that awaits me :)

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