Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Storm is brewing

So I think today marks the beginning of a very hard 4months, 3 weeks and 3days  or 143days, take your pick. Basically I know leading up to June 4th is going to be a lot harder than I ever imagined. Today was one fiasco after another trying to get set up with DSC which I should have done before last semester was up. But did I? Nope so I was stuck being pushed one place and to another and back to the same place. I was at DSC from around 10am - about 3pm. I went home once to mope about how things weren't working out and then I took an hour lunch going all the way to Chick Fil A in Orange City. Then CFA messed up my order but I didn't care, I was hungry. Anyways most of the day I was wishing I had never left BCF but when I saw my school bill get cut in half, it made it all worth it.... I think. But for now I'm in and I'm set. As I said in the beginning, I know today marks the start of a hard few months. I look at my schedule and I have 2 online classes and 2 in class(I am not looking forward to telling my boss about those). I think it's a God thing one of them doesn't start until March because it gives me valuable time to get a car. Between this and work, I already feel overwhelmed. Plus I am still teaching a Sunday school class and I would like to see Nathan more than once or twice before I marry him. Right now though, that seems like a very slim possibility. And that class that starts in March meets 4days a week plus a lab on the 4thday. And did I mention I'm planning a wedding?

I know it seems like I am complaining which is probably right but I'm trying to sort out how the next few months are going to play out. I don't like not having an idea of what's going to happen other than it's going to be hard. Not ideal but it's what I have been given. Recently, I think God has been trying to teach me about faith and relying on Him. Two things that can be difficult when all you want is for things to go smoothly and for there to not be any hiccups. When I was out and about with my MOH and her mom I found a sign that said "Faith makes things possible- not easy." Right now, I want things to be easy. I want to throw my temper tantrum and deny what's going on, kind of like the ostrich effect. In the past and even today, my poor fiance has been on the opposite side of one of my nervous breakdowns as I was realizing how much I have to let God control my life. Honestly, I am scared for the next few months because I know it won't be easy and I don't like the pain that doing something hard can bring. It's in these times that I know I have to look to God the most. It's now that I have to find my courage and step up as a woman to my mountain and climb it. I know it might all seem mellow dramatic but I have learned that's how my mind works. Anyways I am going to start studying one of my favorite women in the Bible, Esther because Sunday I get to teach my kids about her and how we can be brave like Esther. I think this lesson will be more for me than my kids haha.

So I have another busy day at work tomorrow and Thursday I'm going to hopefully get financial aid worked out. One final thought: I thought about where it says "Be still and know I am God", so I looked it up and went ahead with reading all of Psalm 46, it's a great one. That's my challenge to me and my readers, we have to remember who is in control and be still and know He is God. Good night :)

1 comment:

  1. Hi dear Leah, just wanted you to know that I'm following your blog and am praying for you. I love your honesty and reading what God is teaching you through this new (and not-so-easy) phase in your life.
    Love, Sarah